Life has been hard lately.

I’m now waiting for test results and my follow up appointment with the cardiologist. I guess they’re supposed to call me when the results are back to set up the appointment…they never really said. If I don’t hear from them in a week, I guess I’ll call them. I’m still nervous that something else is wrong besides the IST and POTS, especially with regards to kidney arteries. I’m still having trouble sleeping and I’m now out of sleeping pills. I don’t know about getting any more because they’re still making me hallucinate/forget things. Then I end up not sleeping for several hours anyway. Maybe I’ll mention it to the cardiologist. Still not feeling well, but don’t really have any hope of that changing.

The job hunt is still really depressing. Still haven’t heard anything from any job. The staffing agency guy is back Thursday so I’ll see what that job he called last week is about. I can’t understand why I’m not getting any interviews at least. I’m still worried about working a full-time job. Even days I work where I don’t really do much, like today, I’m still exhausted at the end of the day from just sitting up all day. I don’t really have a choice about working a full-time job right now though. Hopefully I’ll get a job I enjoy so I won’t mind the exhaustion as much.

I need to stop spending money I don’t have. Like seriously. Joe and I just keep getting more in debt. Part of it we can’t help: we can’t afford to pay things like electricity or cable internet so we have to put that on my credit card sometimes. Joe just doesn’t make enough to pay for the rent and all the utilities himself, plus his own bills. I can’t even pay all my medical bills…my parents are paying some and I’m paying them back. My credit card is getting close to it’s limit and I have a high limit. It’s really really not good. Then I go and do something like buy a new Wacom tablet. I applied for a small business credit card and got it and put it on there (since my business is graphic design, it is a business expense). I have free interest on it till next June, otherwise I wouldn’t have done it. But anyway. While I could have waited to get a new tablet (like till I have a job), I didn’t want to. The reason I got a new one is because while the tablet itself and pen still work perfectly, the mouse has been acting funky for awhile and I’m tired of the keys sticking while trying to cast spells in EverquestII. Joe has been wanting a tablet for awhile, so I’m giving him this one. The new one is an Intuos3, same size as my current one (6×8). This one will match the rest of my computer a lot better (the current tablet is navy, computer parts are all black). I know I’m being stupid, talking about not being able to pay my bills and then buying an expensive tablet, but oh well. I know I shouldn’t be buying my happiness, but I take it any way I can get it lately.

  • I know what you mean about trying to buy happiness, and trust me, I know all about spending money I don’t have. *sighs* I’m sorry things suck so badly right now. I wish I could help.

    Crystal said on July 6, 2005 at 1:07 pm
  • I love you. *hugs*

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