on friends

I do not think I’m a good friend.

I never call anyone, I never chat on chat programs, I hardly ever email people, and I hardly ever comment on entries. Now, if I actually had a life this would be more excusable. But I spend far too much time doing nothing on my computer to say I have no time for these things. The main reason I don’t comment? When I read LJ or websites, I’m usually leaning back in my chair with my feet up on the desk and am too lazy to sit up to reach the keyboard. I’ve also been very slacking in the birthday/holidays cards, gifts, and acknowledgement aspects.

I suppose in some ways I’m an okay friend…if someone has a question or something they need, I try my best to help. I try to be supportive in the few comments that I leave. And I without fail read everyone they write online that I know about (although with the lack of commenting, they don’t always know this).

I’ve been really feeling the lack of my friends, both online and off, lately. I think I’ve forgotten how to have a real in person friend, it’s been so long. It doesn’t seem likely I’ll be making any soon, so I suppose that’s not a problem. The real problem is that I’m forgetting how to be a long-distance friend. I think the problem is actually the long-distance. In long-distance romantic relationships, they are most viable when you have a definate in-person goal. With long-distance friendships, you don’t. It’s just kind of depressing sometimes knowing that no matter how close you get to a long-distance friend, you’ll never get to actually experience having them in your life in person. I’ve never had a problem before with having long-distance friends, it’s just now that I’m not going to Millersville, I pretty much don’t have anyone besides Joe and my parents to talk to in person and that’s really getting to me. At Millersville at least I would occasionally talk to other people.

I suppose I know how to be a better friend, but I just don’t do the things I need to do. Maybe because I know that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never have kind of friendship that I’m looking for. The high school kind of friendship where you do everything together and tell each other everything. The closest I’ve gotten to that sort of friendship online was when Crystal and I were emailing each other every day for about 6 months, but we both faded away from that. And it still wasn’t the same.

  • I miss talking to you, do you know that? Just sign on IM sometimes; I’m always around if you want to talk! I know that that is a cliched statement, but it is the truth. I guess I don’t really think of friendships having a goal; I just try to keep in contact the best I can, whether it be through IM, email, or comments. I think you just need to communicate more and then things will fall into place.

    I slack with birthday cards all the time. I do Christmas cards, but usually won’t do birthday. Always makes me feel lame.

    I don’t talk to many RL people either; just my roommate and my coworkers most of the time. That’s why I’m glad I have long distance friends to chat with.

  • Making new friends is hard (not to mention scary). Does Joe have any friends you could both start haning out with? That’s how I made a few new friends as well, making friends with his friends & other couples he knows & stuff. I was in a similar position, I moved away & all my friends moved to different places, so many of us were alone where we were. I think that’s why we’ve kept in contact for so long, ‘cos none of us have new friends as good as each other. But even then I find it hard to find the time to keep in contact. My best friend’s b-day present was 3 months late, but she got it in the end & I think even making a little effort like that goes a long way. :)

  • everything you’re saying is true. i mean, i consider you a really good friend, but it’s very different from having friends in real life. i know that before i really got into grad school, i’d basically forgotten how to have/be a real-life friend.


  • I think you are a wonderful friend. you may not be as active online, but that’s okay – we all have periods like that, I think. I love you and always know you are out there, and that’s a comforting feeling.

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