I feel bad at work alot. Like I’m not doing things right. I do make mistakes sometimes, which is unavoidable because I’m still learning. And sometimes I make stupid mistakes, like forgetting to ask who’s on the phone when I answer so I can see if he wants to take the call like I did today. And I feel like when I’m not doing anything and he’s there, like there’s something I should be doing but I’m not. And I feel bad for just sitting there waiting for him to tell me something to do. Although I don’t really think there is anything that I should be doing. And some of the things that I don’t know to do I feel like I should have known. He’s not very forthcoming with compliments or talking much in general (but I don’t really talk at all there either, unless he asks me something or I have to ask something). I’m sure that doesn’t help the feeling. I feel better days he’s not there because if I make a mistake, I can usually correct it before he sees it. Plus I just like being there on my own. And when I don’t have stuff to do, I can do other stuff without feeling bad.
But I don’t like this feeling that I’m incompetent at work. In reality, I doubt I am or that he thinks I am. I think a lot of it has to do with getting fired. Plus the fact that Jen worked at both places and did not get fired. My employee self-esteem is pretty much gone though and I’m not sure how to get it back.