Falling Apart

I’m falling apart…mentally, physically, and financially.

I changed my doctor’s appointment from next week to today. Went in, went for a chest x-ray, went back, had some blood drawn. The chest x-ray was normal. He’s very concerned about my difficulty breathing and my resting pulse of 145. He wants me to go back to a cardiologist asap, since something seems to be possibly dangerously wrong.

I have been pissed off and angry about EVERYTHING since stopping the Zoloft last month. I quite literally hate everyone in the world right now. I asked about a different antidepressant, since I can’t deal with going back on the Zoloft and the vivid disturbing dreams and night sweats. Plus, I’m out of refills. He said wait till we figure out what’s causing my other problems.

Top it off, our plumbing has stopped working (nothing will drain) for the fourth or so time since we’ve moved in here. It has something to do with how the plumbing was installed. To fix it, they have to redo the plumbing, which is going to be expensive.

We’re out of gas in the car and only have $4 in our checking account and $1 in our savings. We don’t get paid until Thursday. We’re almost out of food to eat. We can’t pay the electric bill or my (non-federal) student loan or our credit card bills. Our credit cards are maxed out. We’ve been fighting a lot with each other.

I can’t fall asleep each night until 5 am due to not being able to breath when laying down. They’re not happy with me at work because of my erratic schedule. We CAN’T afford for me to lose my job. We can’t afford things even with me working…but it would be much worse without my income.

I hate my life.

  • It sounds a lot harsher in print. We’ll make it through though :)

  • I emailed you *HUGS*

  • I’m so sorry you have to go through this.

  • I am really really sorry to hear all that too :( – I send you many hugs and love :(

    Ah sorry – kinda segway – you said they found *nothing* on your chest x-rays? Did they look for or mention pulmonary edema at *all*? I guess they could have been looking at organs besides your lungs though

  • I’m not really sure what they were looking for. I just know that the technician read the x-rays and sent a report to the doctor saying they were normal. So…who knows? :)

  • Keep your chin up. It will get easier.

  • I’m so sorry to hear that. It always seems like problems magnify when money becomes an issue, too. I’ll keep you both in my prayers!

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