I get depressed about my body a lot lately (lately being this past year). Not because of how it looks, but about how it seems to be…defective…lately. Last Friday when I was painting, I was having pain shooting up and down my arm after the first hour or so when trying to paint with my arm unsupported by the table. I often can’t cross-stitch due to pain in my right hand. Yesterday at work, I spent an hour or so writing down facts for my non-fiction book. It wasn’t constant writing or anything either, but I was having sharp pain in my arm and wrist again. I have problems sleeping at night lately on my sides because of pain in the right front of my neck. I was just putting labels on posters here, a 100 of them so far, and now my right arm/hand hurts and my hand feels a little numb. I still have problems with my hip and knees. I’ve been having many headaches lately and tons of sinus problems. I’m always either tired or exhausted, even after getting enough sleep. Whenever I try and exercise, thinking I’m just out of shape, I end up in more pain and not normal muscle soreness.
I know I really should see a doctor about it, but I just can’t afford it. I can’t afford another $1,000 in tests and possibly another $2000 in physical therapy (that didn’t even help). I can’t afford prescriptions. Sure, I could put it on my credit card, but I’m still paying off the previous health related bills I had to put on there. My health insurance sucks. I hate, hate, hate the fact that you can really only get good health insurance through a job. I hate having to meet ridiculously high deductibles before they’ll pay anything. I hate that I have to wait till I have a full-time job to see a doctor about it, especially since having a full-time job will probably make all my problems worse.
I know I complain a lot about my health and other things in here, and I’m tired of it, but they just seem to consume my life.