what happened?

I’ve been wondering lately what happened to my enthusiam and interest in things.

At the end of May, I was all into crafts and art again. I went to A.C. Moore’s and bought new crafty things to do. I was excited about my classes. I didn’t mind my job too much. I kept the new apartment clean and didn’t mind doing so.

Now, everything is just…blah.

I think I can pinpoint when it started. For several weeks (two or three) Sharon scheduled me for five days a week. I had been working four days up until this point and usually not more than two or three days in a row. Then I started working four or five days in a row. I began to be in so much pain. I hurt while at work and I hurt when at home. I hurt on my days off as well. After work, I couldn’t do anything except lie on the couch with a heating pad and hope that I didn’t have to get up too often for things such as the bathroom. Getting up was pure torture. Literally. When I bought my crafty items, I had imagined myself sitting at the table working on them after work, like I had when I worked at Ben Franklins. Hah.

Then came all the schedule problems. And the lack of hours. I no longer have extra money to go buy crafty things. Or any things. All my money will be going to my probably close to $500 medical bills. I’m working about 10 hours less a week, but the muscles are so tight in my hip now from having to work those five day weeks that even working one day is very painful.

I have not been sleeping well for the past two months. Or more. My usual bedtime lately is about 3:30 am. I can never fall asleep right away though so the usual time I fall asleep is 4:30 am. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep till 6 am. I get up between 12 and 1 pm, unless I have to work earlier. I am not getting enough sleep. I need about 9 hours sleep. Aside from the lack of sleep, I never feel right when I stay up so late and sleep so late. My head usually feels…heavy and dull. As for why I can’t sleep, there’s probably several reasons. One is that I’ve always had problems falling asleep. Another is that my legs and hips often hurt. A third is that I have trouble sleeping when there’s other people still up in the apartment. Joe often doesn’t go to bed till 4 or 5 am. Then I wake up when he gets up at 11 or 12 and don’t sleep as well after that, if at all. Besides that, once he gets up the cats feel it’s their duty to make sure I get up soon. Spencer will often come in, jump up on the bed next to my chest, meow at me, and then leave. 10 minutes later he repeats this. He’ll sometimes do that even before Joe gets up. Akasha likes to get up on the bed and walk on you. Or her and Spencer will go chasing each other through the bedroom, jumping on the dresser and making all sorts of noise.

I’m sure the lack of the sleep and sleeping times are affecting my mood and enthusiam as well, but I’m not sure what to do about that. Anytime I do manage to shift my sleeping schedule slightly for a day or two, I always end up staying up too late and sleeping too late one day and then I’m back where I started. Unfortunately the only real solution to this, Joe having daylight hours at work, isn’t going to happen for a long time, if ever.

Due to my hip and leg pain, my tiredness, and also my current allergies/cold problem, the housework is not getting done. I managed to do laundry the past two days but I have not done one bit of housework otherwise. Wait, I did sweep the kitchen and laundry room floor yesterday. Not that you can tell today though. The cats’ litters are in the laundry room and they can’t seem to keep it in the litter boxes. It’s all over the kitchen again already. But the kitchen is a mess and dirty and so is the bathroom. I haven’t really dusted (except for the endtables) since we moved in. I hate dusting so that’s not too unusual though. I was really big on keeping this place clean up until about three weeks ago. Now I’m just like, whatever.

  • I get like that every few months. I get excited and make plans to do all sorts of things and then just lose interest and don’t want to do a thing. *big hugs* I think finding a better job will help you so much… I’ve got my fingers crossed for that interview :)

  • *hugs* i’d noticed you seemed sor t of sad lately.

    i know what you mean about getting excited then losing it. i hate that… however, it looks like yours is related mostly to this hellish job situation. *hugs*

    i wish i had advice or something, but i don’t . just love and good thoughts!

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